Your pattern is rooted in low self-worth and an unconscious fear of change.
Despite your best efforts, you find yourself in the same patterns over and over again. You feel like certain situations repeat themselves like in the movie “Groundhog Day.” Your inability to break free of those harmful patterns makes you feel stuck and frustrated. Even though on an intellectual level you know what you want to achieve, you feel like an invisible force is holding you back.
You know what you should be doing to make your life better, but you just can’t make yourself to do it. You dream of starting your business, getting your career on track, getting fit and eating healthy. You desire freedom, love, intimacy, and tribe of like-minded people. You are longing for new beginnings, for being able to take risks and leap into the future with faith and confidence. You want and need change. You are ready for it, and you want to break free of the ties that bind you. You dream of being free of restrictions and following your dreams. You are ready for solutions, and you want to rise above your internal and external limitations.
And while all that positive energy is bubbling inside of you, you engage in self-sabotaging behaviors despite your efforts to the contrary. You talk yourself out of taking action or assume all good ideas are taken, and you don’t have anything worthwhile to contribute. As you watch your life speed by, you get so much into your head that making even the simplest decision seems impossible.
You might be overthinking things and are stuck in a general analysis paralysis. Your indecision and inability to take anything off the ground combined with wanting to make things perfect before they see the light of the day leads you to procrastination and feeling profoundly stuck. You might think that you are not ready to take action, that the time is never right, or that you are too old to start anything and it’s too late.
Most likely you are unconsciously driven by the belief that you are not good enough which is preventing you from moving forward, achieving your goals, and pursuing your dreams. Nobody is born feeling undeserving. We develop low self-worth as a result of childhood messaging we absorb from parents, teachers, and society as a whole. Then we stuff this faulty messaging into our subconscious mind to deal with the challenges that were thrown at us.
For example, maybe you were rejected or didn’t feel good enough growing up. Perhaps in the past, you had to strive for acceptance that wasn’t available. So you developed a set of beliefs about being defective or undeserving and relegated them to your subconscious mind. And you constructed a false self, based on those beliefs, which is now running the show preventing you form taking action and realizing your dreams. It might have served you in the past, but now it’s a handicap.
On the other hand, you might not be entirely clear about what you want, or you may feel so scattered that your mind can’t settle on anything. This lack of focus and direction is making you irritable and frustrated. This unfocused energy needs an outlet and structure, and you are having trouble providing it for yourself. Possibly in the past, your curiosity was shut down or not properly channeled, and now you are not sure how to proceed.
Your low self-worth is also responsible for a pattern of events that when things start going well for you, you suddenly get sick, lose money or something bad happens that makes those good times seem like a distant memory. Even if the circumstances appear to be external to you, the reason is your subconscious drivers.
The false self-survives only if you act according to its programming. Anytime you try to break it, and things start going really well for you the false shadow self, begins to rear its ugly head and suddenly everything starts going down the drain. What’s happening is that your ego/shadow self is fighting for survival. It freaks out when something good happens and makes you self-sabotage yourself so that it can go back to status quo and the false feeling of safety.
But it doesn’t have to be like that. The false self is not the entirety of who you are. Those false limiting beliefs are not the truth of who you are. You have the power to rewrite your story and feel unburdened and free to act on your desires and ideas.
If you get in touch with your right/subconscious mind, you can replace unhelpful beliefs with new supportive messaging and get to the core of who you are behind the layers of conditioning and programming. Once you reconstruct your inner world, the inner conflict will be gone. The pattern will be broken, and you’ll be able to see that you have options available you. You will gain new understandings that replace old beliefs and attitudes. You will clearly see a situation for what it is and, for the first time in a long time will be able to take action. You will find that what once was irreparable, hopeless and beyond the realm of possibility is now viewed in new light.
Once the inner work is done, you will have created space and energy for establishing new habits and rewiring your brain with new behaviors and actions. You can become a success story and stick with your plans in a relentless pursuit of your goal.
Your pattern is rooted in unhealed emotional wounds and unprocessed negative emotions.
Despite your best efforts, you find yourself in the same relationship patterns over and over again. It’s the same person, different movie. It’s tiring and exhausting. You don’t understand why it keeps happening. If you tend to create the same relationship scenarios, either with friends, bosses or romantic partners, it might be a sign that you are recreating relationship dynamics from your past. Usually, these relationship dynamics revolve around themes of abuse of power, lack of trust or abandonment. Beliefs of this nature are acquired through a family of origin (the family unit you grew up in), early romantic relationships, friendships, or the school environment.
The reason, you keep running into the same type of situations is because they feel familiar, they feel like home, and ultimately they provide a playground for resolving earlier hurts or traumas. Maybe in the past, you had to strive for acceptance that wasn’t available. As a result, you developed a set of beliefs about being defective or undeserving and stuffed them into your subconscious mind. They served you at the time, but now they are a handicap.
One way to untangle yourself from this pattern is to learn how to fulfill the needs which were not met in the past, so you stop attracting people and situations which reflect your unhealed wounds to you time and time again. In the case of compulsion to repeat, doing inner child work is truly transformative and a very effective method of breaking free of this pattern. It’s crucial that you get in touch with uncomfortable emotions you experienced in the past and most likely suppressed. The goal is to get into contact with your hurt, loss or sadness and process them so you can unblock yourself. Wouldn’t it feel great to finally take positive action in your life?
Your pattern is rooted in unconscious fears and disconnection from your true self.
If you really long to make positive changes in your life, be it starting your own business, expanding your career, getting back in shape, eating healthy, you name it - you need to overcome the demon of procrastination. Procrastination and perfectionism are strongly correlated, and even though there is nothing wrong with having high standards you don’t want it to stop you in your tracks. Procrastination is not a failure of willpower, but often a bigger and deeper issue.
Maybe you grew up in an environment where there was only one standard of performance which was perfection, and you felt compelled to pursue it because it was one or maybe the only way of being rewarded with approval and acceptance. Striving to be perfect offers a semblance of control, so even though it might keep you in analysis paralysis, the paradoxical reward is the feeling of being in control.
Perfectionism and self-worth are strongly intertwined, and increasing your feelings of self-worth will lead to making that relationship much loser. With more room to breathe, more room to just be, and more space to take inspired action.
I’d recommend getting to the root of the fear that is driving your perfectionism and work on increasing your self-worth. Also, working with intuitive imagery, symbol and metaphor is a fantastic way to learn about your feelings, get to know them and ultimately unblock yourself.
In a case of perfectionism, it’s helpful to augment right brain techniques like inner child work and image making with structured cognitive methods. If you follow this with learning how to set healthy boundaries, you are on the way to transformation.